EPIC!

Today was a start of something new. I dived in!

To give you a little background of what I am talking about, the past days I have been bugging myself on what to do with the rest of my life. I know, it doesn't sound really trivial but since I quit my 8-5 job at a government office and pursued online work to be with my kid more, it has come to my senses that everything is quite scattered all over. I have a kid and a "boyfriend" since we are not married and it's just I don't know where we are going. To put simply, I am confused, between two paths, at a crossing point whatever you call it. And just out of the blue last week, I came to my right mind. 

I watched the TV show The Next Great Baker on Travel and Living.  In this episode, they were about to eliminate one contestant. But then this woman, when she was about to be eliminated, told bluntly that the judge was wrong and she objected. Guess, what? She stayed! The other one who was supposed to be safe was sent home. I said to myself, that's the power! I mean to be told that you will be eliminated from the competition but objecting the decision because she said she had passion and she was what they needed, that was just finesse. I mean seriously, that is just an exemplary of taking matters in your own hands and making your own destiny. It was classic!

I said to myself I wanted to be that. I wanted to take control over my life and just have the power for once. For so many times and so many instances I have been the one to wait. Wait for the right moment to come, wait for the Universe to conspire, wait for the perfect time and wait for other people and let things happen naturally. I have nothing against that of course but there has to be a certain period where you have to stand up and decide for yourself and where you want to be exactly in your life (even to the point where I have to swallow my pride). 

Me and my partner have invested 5 years in the relationship in total. When we had a baby less than two years ago, getting married was something I had to think over and over. I had to make sure that he was right for me and he is committed. I did not want to make a mistake of marrying him and finding out he is not completely in it with me. I thought it was reasonable at the early stage. And true enough, all this time, he has been faithful and committed, hands down. But now that our kid is growing and it seems like we are indeed a family, I feel like it is time to move with the cheese and do the right thing, get married.

For days, weeks and months, I always reminded him of that need. I told him it would be necessary for papers to be legalized, etc. And of course, he responded with a nod. He agreed with me. But the thing is, nothing is happening! I would sit down and reflect in a defensive and rightful manner, I am the girl after all, I should be pursued. Then it hit me. I really don't care! I want this whole thing done and over with so we can move on the next chapter of our lives. That's what I want. It has not appeared clearer to me that day. It was out of the bubble that I got that strength and courage to tell him exactly what I wanted and how I wanted it to be. Imagine, I told him I did not care if he was scared or not ready or whatever, I wanted marriage! I was that fixed.

Of course, he was like, what? In his own defensive way. He felt like I was attacking him. Looking back at what I did now, I kind of laugh a little bit because he was working that day and I just came at his work and said those words like something weird happened. But when he realized I was serious, it probably dawned on him that this was no joke and I was determined at any cost about what was going to happen between us. I said take it or leave it, and this will only happen once. For a moment, I felt desperate sort of begging this person to be with me but also on one hand, I felt I was a strong and courageous individual who is just expressing her desire with much passion and determination. 

And yes, early this morning we went to apply for a marriage license. I mean I had to really do that to pursue this thing? Huh. Talk about having the courage and bravery for this epic moment. I could not wait til my kid grows up and tell all about this EPIC MOMENT! HAHAHAHA! I can't wait!