Seemingly Good

I had a chance to meet up with past colleagues. Actually, I went back to my old office not as employee but as client. I had to apply for business name for my boyfriend's auto shop because he was too busy, so I offered.

I found myself back in my old desk. While we were happily chatting, Ms. Jesse, one of the best persons in the world, whose I believe the kind of person willing to get out of her comforts just to help a friend, family or anyone in need, pointed a pile of well organized logbooks and folders. Clearly, I was out of the picture. My old table was clean, well organized, well sorted out with huge name tags for everyone to have an easy look. It was perfect. (And I thought was good enough as an organizer.) Wow! I never really thought it that way. I never imagined those things can be as excellent as they looked.And true enough they did.

I got a little blushed about it but didn't really affect me. I'm even glad they got a new one, otherwise it wouldn't have been like that. As I listened to the new girl speaking over the phone, I can hear that she was really articulate and her pronunciation was really on the dot. I was contempt. They got the best.

We were enjoying each other's company again. Me, Ms. Jesse and Irwin laughed and talked. It was fun. Ms. Jesse asked about my updates, how have I been doing a week after leaving an 8-5 job. I said life has never been  great. I now have realized the usefulness of Youtube, because when you are bored, then you can look at old music videos or what not. And of course there's Facebook where you can stalk a person without them knowing. It's amazing.

In one of our topics, she mentioned that I was like this "pula og sampot" or "red butt"which means I can't stick to one place; I was always going anywhere and everywhere. I guess what she really tried to say was that I couldn't let myself chill and just stay with my job. I think in one way or another, she's right. Looking back, I remember that I was hopping to different jobs from the moment I got bored, discontented, disappointed, etc. It's not because of anything else but it's always about how I feel about my current status.

You see, I'm a passionate person. Each time I try something I tend to assess and discern if this is what I'm supposed to do or if I felt right doing the same thing for the rest of my life. I base my choices and decisions with how I feel about it. Because, if I don't feel any purpose, any reason doing it, I don't have the drive even making it through the day. Sometimes, I even ask myself, why can't I be just an ordinary cashier? or a saleslady at the department store? Why can't I be like other women who are content with their lives? Do I have to be someone BIG to be happy, to feel satisfied? At times, I try to stop asking questions and just deal with it because the more I do it, the bigger and more complicated they get.

Yet, somehow when I write, everything is so easy. I feel right where I belong. It seems right. Is it really like this? I hear it from people every time that doing what they love no matter how tired they get, seems a breeze just like the wind. It's like no sweat. And I wonder if it's the same as I am with writing. Because if this is what I'm supposed to be doing for the rest of my life, then I'm on. I'll maybe run out of words but I won't run out with ideas. That's good, huh.