In many times and in countless articles, I always read about how you can't control other people or situations but you can only chose to control how you react and respond. In all honesty, it's easier said than done. I've had moments where I really just want to breakdown and cry and shout at the same time. Often, you feel as if the whole world is conspiring against you and you have no power whatsoever to turn the table around. I feel such a mess. I wonder if I'm doing the right thing.
If somebody disappoints you, perhaps not on purpose, would you shrug it off? It's just this one time anyway. Or would you tackle the issue at hand and try to fix it maybe by way of discussion? But what if it doesn't work? What if it happens again? And this time, it's quite different. This time, he has full blown defense and your tactic of deliberation is just one tip of a finger. It doesn't even leave a mark in his mind. What to do?
I am in a beautifully grown relationship for four years now. I love my partner and I believe he feels the same way about me. I can say that I think I have a glimpse of what he really is on another level. The fact is, he is responsible and a good provider. And I am thankful and happy for that. But the thing is I chose a guy that's completely opposite of me. In my young mind, I felt it was a good thing. Because he has other likes and I have my set too. I imagined it to merge and be interesting. I'm into books, literature, lifestyle, writing, fashion, design and; he's more into the mechanical side, engines, autos stuff like that.
I feel like I'm learning a whole lot. He's a street smart and I'm a book smart to put simply. It's jiving, right? As I mentioned before I like variation. Monotony bores me too much. But the thing about being at both opposite ends is that there's a huge gap in between. And that gap can be stretched even further especially if other priorities are put first. You don't seem to understand the person anymore. And you don't find his decisions logical the way you intend to understand. Even if you talk to him, he speaks tongues! You don't get him. He doesn't get you. It's really useless.
I can't even imagine how couples tough it out for many years. I salute partners who have pushed boundaries and stayed for life. That's not a very easy thing to do. If I could, I would really want their formula. How do they even do that? It amazes me. Maybe it's not about love after all. Maybe it's about deciding. Because once you've made a decision you have a conscious effort to stick to that decision. You would want to make it work. And I think, after then, love follows.
My relationship is not shaky. Don't worry about me. Sure enough, if it is, you will be the first person to know because I will write it here.I think I'm just growing up. I have realized some of the things that I would have never had a clue before. Seeing clearly now that I have a kid has made me more calm in the way I react to things. And I'm not clouded with emotions anymore. I have now started to master to determine when to react or overreact. I think that's the most important liberating thing to do is to have control over yourself. It's not because you are a control freak but you chose the things that will affect you. Because, sometimes we get hurt unnecessarily. We chose to make a small fault become big and massive. And it ruins our day. It's not healthy at all.
I believe in one on one talks but if it doesn't work then there's reward and punishment. I think adults can have that too, especially men. :-)
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